As usual let's open with a KFT rap:
I don't like beans in my drinks, not even MUNG FU
If you brought the tea, it's already been BRUNG FU
If you're seventeen, sorry bae, but you're too YOUNG FU
But if you want Lemon Black Tea, you come to KUNG FU!
It makes some of the rivals taste like eating cow DUNG FU
It's at the top of the ladder, while you're on the lowest RUNG FU
You'll love if you're easy going, even highly STRUNG FU
So if you want a Lemon Black Tea, you come to KUNG FU
I tasted it and screamed so loud that I collapsed a LUNG FU
I carried on screaming and sounded like Angus YOUNG FU
They played Sting on the radio, but I'm already STUNG FU
By the wondrous Lemon Black Tea they serve at KUNG FU
I went to the toilet, opened Snapchat, then I SUNG FU
Came back, took my pants off, and the girls yelled "HUNG FU!"
In walked Barbie and immediately I'm SPRUNG FU
And you should come and get a Lemon Black Tea from KUNG FU!
WHAT
As my notes say: friendly guy who knows how to make a LBT, very tasty, subtle, not too sweet, good location, like your mother.
I wanted to take off my pants, but I didn't, because then it would've been Hung Fu Tea.
Lovely little KFT in Elmhurst, it has seating, it's a nice place to hang out, and all in all it's one of my fave locations, with friendly service and lovely decor as well. The little cat on the table is adorable, I like the mirrors (so did Justin Timberlake) (Barbie wants them all over her bedroom including the ceiling) (I mean full wall mirrors) (you would too if you looked like her), and of course the Lemon Black Tea was tasty AF.
I stopped pretending to be a turtle when ordering here. Otherwise it'd be Kowabunga Fu Tea.
What to get: Lemon Black Tea With Tapioca!
Or: All the fruit teas are pretty good, especially if you go off menu and get black tea!
Or: Go crazy and order your fruit teas with the very strong Oolong!
Or in winter: Any of the hot milk teas!
Which milk teas are best: Honey Oolong! Oolong! Maybe Taro or Almond! I also love the regular milk tea with Oreo!
Generally speaking, Kung Fu Tea scores 5, which is a huge compliment, considering that it's a massive international corporate chain, whose milk teas don't match up to the best chains: Sharetea, Gong Cha, Tea Top, and Coco. However, they're still really good, and the fruit teas here are among the best. Especially the lemon black tea which absolutely rocks my world. If it's not on the menu, demand it! Other fruit teas (Orange, Grapefruit, Pineapple) must also be ordered off-menu as Black Tea instead of the meh Green. Also the Lemon Black tastes good as a Lemon Oolong, but everyone else hates it because they have bad taste. The one annoying thing about the chain is the corporate office (they're sketchy) and their rule that no drink can have its tea altered.
I didn't need major surgery while in here. If I had, it might've been Collapsed Lung Fu Tea.
I feel like I came to this KFT a very long time ago, but my most recent visit was much more enjoyable because I hung out here and the employees were great and the location is tucked on a back street off Broadway (the aptly named Justice) in the heart of Elmhurst, which is Latin Queens, but has a lot of flavour from many other cultures. And while parking is a nightmare, my experience here was anything but.
The excellent drink, the lovely decor, and the even better service mean there's no way this isn't 5 stars.
So if you have nothing to do
And your partner won't give you a screw
I know something better
And very much wetter
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