Oh boy kiddies! You are in for a wondrous treat if you decide to stay at Motel Las Villas!
My brother and I decided to stay here during our recent trip to this glorious island slum known as Puerto Rico. We found this motel using Facebook search and it had some pretty decent reviews. The big draw was the cost. For only $25 a night, we were promised everything from rose petals on the bed to a warm, relaxing jacuzzi tub to a rip roaring "love machine"! Sounds intriguing.
We arrived at this tropical "resort" and were immediately impressed by the grounds and the architecture. It was a stunningly beautiful, hidden gem. We pulled up to the main office and a sleazy, servant of a man greeted us quickly. He offered us a room for the previously noted price and we were eager to get a good night's rest. He directed us to our humble abode for the evening. First off, you pull into a garage and then hand over the cash. This place is actually rented in 8-hour blocks. That was kind of weird. We didn't want to stay for 16-hours so we opted for the 8-hour rental. The attendant then showed us to the inside. What horrors ensued I have never seen before. As soon as we walked in, there was a musty odor that filled the one room rental. I say one room because there is no bathroom door. The television was blaring and had a very unappealing pornographic film on of a significantly well fed woman enjoying herself. The attendant then left for the evening.
The room is very dark and dank. Everything in the room is bolted down, except for the chairs. We were afraid to sit on or touch anything in the room. We inspected the mattress which had a plastic cover on it topped with thin, cheap sheets. We never pulled the sheets down to discover anything underneath. The chairs had plastic covered cushions with multiple tears. The small table was kind of sticky. It was poorly decorated with cheap, plastic flowers and old pictures on the wall. The floor is a cheap vinyl floor. The bathroom is easily accessible...because it is in the same room. There is a bidet and a nasty toilet that had little to no water pressure. In the toilet, fairly long fecal matter spun slowly, mimicking a twirling baton. The shower is a stall. We did not use the shower at all for fear of catching something.
The room is air conditioned and has a small, old, tube style television with several pornographic channels. The remote was broken so you had to change the channel by hand. The most curious of the room was a small, wooden door of the wall. When we opened the peculiar door, it led to the outside and there was a large, white cockatoo in a cage right there. The poor bird had a look upon him as if he had witnessed horrific acts of debauchery. I could have sworn that he uttered, "Rape." ever so faintly. The small door had no lock and was about a foot and a half wide and the same in length. It allowed for multiple biting insects to come and go as they pleased. We stacked our suitcases up in front of it to hopefully keep people out as someone could have easily climbed in it. We slept only a couple of hours and poorly at that. We slept on top of the sheets in all of our clothes. Above the head of the bed is a small, wooden perch. We assumed that this was the "coaching perch" for the bird of love sitting outside of the small wooden door. We could envision him sitting there, yelling "stroke....stroke..." as seen in the films with Ancient Greek Triremes.
In the morning, you simply get up and drive off. You don't a key or anything to return. There are other people who are also leaving. Again, you notice how lovely the grounds are, adding to the bewilderment of the entire experience.
All in all, this place is horrific. It's like a bad dream where you are luring into something that looks nice, but then turns out to be a really bad decision. We are assuming that this is a place used for intercourse by random people who want to have affairs. Shame on them. If you would even consider taking your clothes off in a place like this, you are probably the lowest of the low or already have something that you can't catch from this place. I would NEVER recommend this place to anyone and I will never stay here again. Spend the extra money and get a decent place to sleep for the evening. I have added some pictures of the experience. read more