Dear Ralph's Corporate Office,
Please just burn the place down and start over. There is no redeeming this store. But if you would like to try, here are a few words of advice:
* Re-pave the parking lot. Yes, the whole thing. And make the handicapped parking spots the normal size of an average handicapped parking spot. Because if instead you turn two normal-sized spots into a single handicapped spot what you get is some asshole in a giant pickup truck parking on the blue-striped DO NOT PARK HERE section, leaving your wheelchair-bound customers unable to get into their cars. Don't believe me? Just hang out in the parking lot for an hour, you'll see it happen. I've seen it plenty.
* While you're spending an hour in the parking lot you'll also see: random folks hitting up your customers for cash - some of them have homemade CDs of their music to give you in exchange!, people screaming at each other over who has the god-given right to a particular parking space and who REALLY parks like an asshole, a dude selling stinky smokey incense and socks right outside the door, kids who just paid a homeless guy to buy a case of beer drinking (and pissing) between the cars, and if you really don't want to take my suggestion to burn the place down, then you really need to get rid of all of this. At the very least, after you've re-paved the parking lot you will need to spring for a parking lot security dude or two. Don't get stingy on me, now. That dude needs to be there 24 hours.
* Fire all of your deli workers, every single one, and hire only people who treat others (including co-workers and subordinates) with generosity and care, and who remember how awful life was when they didn't have a job.
* Fire your bakers. Please gods, fire the bakers. If you don't understand why this needs to happen, go get a doughnut from the case. Eat it. Now go to the Ralph's on Buena Vista and Victory and do the same. Now you understand.
* Remove one aisle, maybe two, and reclaim that space to widen the remaining aisles. Holy mother of god why is this such a difficult concept for grocery store folk? Get a buddy and walk side by side through the entire store with carts. Those spots where you can't get through together? FIX THEM. There are too many other stores to choose from. You have to make me want to choose this location.
* Dunk the entire building in boiling water, then vinegar, then water again. Now dunk it in Purell and let it dry. It is now clean enough to send some cleaners through. Seriously, dudes, this place is gross. Go use the ladies room. I'll wait.
* Call up a Publix and ask the good folks there how to arrange a store. Do what they say. I mean it! (They will not say anything like "get rid of the most popular brand of hummus, except for the smallest-size container, and make sure that it is in a different location in the store each week!")
* Move the very popular, well-used Redbox machine away from the mouth of the self-checkout area. Lots of people use the Redbox. LOTS of people use the self-checkouts. Do you see the problem? I watched a dude on crutches try three different ways to get out of there before finally turning around and hobbling his way back into the store so he could go the long way around.
This is the closest grocery to my home. I pass it on my way to and from work. And I still go elsewhere 90% of the time. read more