It's often remarked that Kirkwood is like the CrossFit or the veganism of neighborhoods, in that…read morepeople who live there would like nothing more than to tell you about it. Whereas, no one knows anything about, say, Maryland Heights, including people who live there. Did it always exist, or did it somehow spawn from the ether in the mid '80s? Who cares!
Nevertheless, the little plaza in the center of town where this restaurant is located was shockingly empty when I visited yesterday, like New York in that scene in the movie Vanilla Sky. Was it because it was 112 degrees out? We can only hope that this newest Salt + Smoke location doesn't suffer the same fate as so many local restaurants that have been forced to wave bye bye in the past year or so.
Inside was similarly empty. If you were to yell, and listen quietly, you'd hear a faint echo, like standing at the entrance to a cave. We were guided to a far corner of the restaurant, to a booth large enough to accommodate four grossly overweight adults, or as many as eight normal people. It's a surprisingly large, nice room. If the prices are the same, and she didn't mind eating barbecue, I'd bring a date here instead of the U. City location, for strategy purposes.
Salt + Smoke is kind of a known quantity. The brisket is great, as is the weird bread that comes with it if you get it as a platter. I've gotten it as a sandwich, put enough vinegar-based sauce on it that it coats the meat and soaks into the bun a little bit, and it's as good as anything I've ever eaten, with the caveat that I was a deprived child. They give you the option of lean or fatty cuts, and if you're a guy, the only appropriate choice is the latter.
Interestingly, they were out of both (strictly) fatty cuts of brisket and Kansas City-style burnt ends, despite the fact that they didn't have any other guests yesterday, as far as I could tell. I wonder if they just didn't make any, lest they were forced to throw it out at the end of the evening. They probably employ Palantir to ensure that their employees don't try to take it home to feed their children. I actually kinda agree with that. Children shouldn't eat better than I do. Certainly, mine wouldn't.
When I was at the U. City location, a few weeks ago, I ordered an off-menu item called the Schmidt's Burger. It was insane. I can't even remember what all came on it, but it was like something Luther Vandross would have come up with if he worked there. This time, I figured I might try their Oklahoma Bacon Cheeseburger. I've seen these Oklahoma burgers before on social media. They're the ones with a lot of thinly sliced onions, right?
Perhaps I was mistaken. The burger I got didn't have any onions. Either they were out or I should have actually read the menu. It came with bacon, natch, white American cheese, thousand island dressing... and that might be it. A single is like $14, or you can get a double for just two dollars more. If you don't have the extra two dollars on you, that's a real bummer. If there's anyone at all outside, you might consider trying to panhandle.
Everything on this burger was good, but I wouldn't order it again. With no LTOP or anything, the vibe was more along the lines of a Baconator at Wendy's, but with much higher quality bacon. It might have benefited from the tartness of a ketchup, instead of the thousand island. Or maybe the onions I thought would be on it. In general, I'd say the burgers at Salt + Smoke are good, but not quite on a par with places that specialize in them--which I suppose is to be expected.
The fries, on the other hand, are probably as good as any fries you can get. They taste nearly as good as McDonald's fries taste in my imagination. They're cooked in beef tallow, so they won't lower your testosterone. That could be key, if you're going here on a date. My not-so-inner eight-year-old wishes they weren't so big around, but you have to appreciate how sturdy they are. If I'm ever back--if this place lasts another six months--I might have to try the loaded version.
