My husband and I are from San Diego, CA, where even the mediocre Mexican restaurants are decent, and the best ones are excellent. We've eaten many kinds of authentic, "regional" Mexican food and many generic, "Mex-American" meals. We like to try the local cuisine when we travel, and when we're in Hawaii we usually eat fresh seafood, authentic Hawaiian food, or the various "Polyn-Asian" dishes that reflect the influences of centuries of immigration.
But on our May 2014 visit to Kauai (our 12th over 20-plus years), we decided to have a taste of "home" by trying Mariachi's Authentic Mexican Cuisine. Omigawd, what a misnomer. The food definitely is not "authentic," it's arguably not even Mexican, and to refer to it as "cuisine" is laughable.
We arrived at 6 p.m. and were pleased to get a table near an open window along the sidewalk. Our delight at getting a slight breeze soon was mitigated by the fact that being only feet from a busy street whose traffic featured many older-model cars meant that we'd be gulping exhaust every few seconds. Although a considerate proprietor would position fans near the windows to keep the toxins out (and direct warm air out of the restaurant), we didn't worry too much about it. We were there to have fun and eat Mexican food. As it turned out, we did neither.
Although the items on the menu sounded good, I was surprised that it included tacos, burritos, chimichangas, and the like, but not enchiladas. A young man brought us chips and salsa, and both were pretty good. We asked him for two glasses of water. After a short wait, a young woman introduced herself as our waitress and asked us if we wanted to start with drinks. She seemed harried and a little confused, although the place was not at capacity and there were other wait persons. I ordered a house margarita, and because it had been several minutes since we'd asked the young man for water, we asked the waitress for two glasses of water. She rushed off.
As we continued to peruse the menu and breathe car fumes, a different waiter approached to take our drink order. He seemed surprised and a little annoyed when we told him we already had wait service. But because we still had no water, we asked if he could bring us two glasses of water. We never saw him again. Finally, our waitress brought our drinks---but no water. We thanked her, and I added, "Could we please have two glasses of water?"Apparently, the fourth time was the charm, because a couple minutes later she slid two glasses of water onto the table without a word and rushed away.
I looked at my margarita and immediately knew it wouldn't be good. It was a pale-green color that reminded me of some awful-looking beverage we'd seen pouring from a street dispenser in Leningrad in 1990. There were a few small ice cubes floating in it. It tasted like watery Kool-Aid, with no trace of tequila. I believe it cost $12.
Our waitress came back to take our orders. I had the shredded beef burrito; my husband asked the waitress why there were no enchiladas. She pointed to a tiny block of text at the bottom of the menu indicating that enchiladas could be included in combination plates, but why not list and describe them on the menu? He ordered one chicken enchilada and one ground beef enchilada. The waitress, following the current trend, did not write down our order but repeated it to herself more than once as if trying to memorize it. Then she repeated it to us, and we said, "Yes, that's right." She left, but came back a few minutes later. "So, did you want one beef...?" She looked at my husband as if waiting for assistance. "One ground beef and one chicken enchilada," he said slowly. She went away, but came back a minute later with an order pad and a pencil. My husband repeated the simple order a third time, and she repeated it while writing it down. We just looked at each other as if to say, "WTF???"
My burrito was big enough to be filling, but bland. To her credit, the waitress remembered to put the sauce and the sour cream on the side, as I'd asked. My husband's enchiladas were the skinniest we'd ever seen. They were suspiciously uniform in size and shape, resembling rolled tacos more than enchiladas. Each had mole sauce on it, which was the only flavorful component; the contents were so similar as to be indistinguishable. Ground beef and chicken fillings should look and taste very different---these did not.
Before we'd gotten half-way through the meal, we both knew that we'd never come back to Mariachi's. The final tab, before tax, came to $40---for two skinny, flavorless "enchiladas", one bland burrito, one "mock" margarita, and an iced tea. We love to dine out and never worry about cost, but even at "Hawaii prices," this dinner would've been overpriced at $20. Even though we stay within a short walk of this place, they'll never see us again. read more