Ok I live down the block and finally made it in to porto. I have put it off so long because it is on one of the most dirty, disgusting blocks in all of brooklyn, which must put it in competition for dirtiest in the country. Its wedged between a nasty smelly asian wholesale fish monger (the stench in the warmer months is unbearable) and a poultry slaughterhouse of all things; it is directly across the street from a gang banger night club and a scary strip club. I assume they got the space for a song because I can't imagine a worse location location location if you tried to find one.
The second reason I put off going into this place was because everytime I walk by it the chef is sitting outside chainsmoking with what I gather to be an owner (or the laziest manager I've ever seen). I recall in 'kitchen confidential'the author warns, don't eat at a place where you see the chef smoking outside all the time.
Ok, now to the food. The servers were young and cool, and sharply dressed, which is comforting but incongruent with the casual atmosphere, and kind of weird having one half of the restaurant with employees dressed up like a cheesy quasi-fancy little italy place and then a bunch of sweaty slobs on the other side selling garlic knots and handling dough and cash without washing their hands in btween. Which is it? A wanna be fancy place or a certified dump? You can't be both, porto!
The brick oven pizza was too thin and dry, the crust had no life to it, completely botched compared to the nyc greats. But ok, were not expecting defarros on this derelict block under the bqe.so I try the pasta and an entree. Definately better than the dishes in your typical corner pizza shop, but for the prices I could go to crispo in manhattan for chrissakes! The sauces are way too heavy and the plating was sloppy boardering on disgusting.
Maybe the chef should get a nic patch and spend some more time in the kitchen. Now here's the deal breaker: this place had more flies than I've ever seen in my life. Literally thousands. They even have one of those translucent electric bug zappers over the bar next to the tv, like it was a budweiser sign!!! I know that its not appetizing, but is that even legal? What if a bug gets zapped and it winds up in the ice? and when I say there are more flies than I've ever seen, I mean anywhere. A decomposing corpse in the swamp would have less flies buzzing around it. A manure pile at a mexican collective would have less pests. My hand to god. I know that they're down by the river, and wedged btw the chicken slaughterer and the fishmonger, so its an uphill battle, but that's not my problem. dear god, I feel like I'm in an exorcism the flies are so persistent.
There is no way they'd pass a health inspection. No way on earth. I give them six months. Eat at your own risk!!! read more