First of all: The food at this place is great.
And the hostess and server were really nice people.
Regardless, my Sunday-morning breakfast experience sucked out loud.
It starts with the hostess telling us that the wait might be as much as 30 minutes, and there's no room to wait inside. It's raining like a drought-busting bitch outside, so we wait in the car. More than an hour later, we're hailed for our table.
By the time we sit down the toddler in our group is losing it, and we need to get some food in front of him. We have our eyes on a tray with three blueberry scones. One immediately gets snapped up by someone else in the joint, and my wife suggests we order one before the other two disappear. The Chinese woman sitting less than two feet from her at the adjacent table -- who was seated after us -- gets waited on before us. She orders her breakfast.....plus the two scones to go. Then she flashes a vicious "fuck you, I win" smirk at my wife.
I mention that she's Chinese at the risk of being thought a racist, but I don't give a shit. It's not race, it's culture. And if you don't believe that this little incident is a mainstream exemplar of the foundational selfishness, rudeness, and power-tripping inherent in Chinese culture, then you would be well advised to avoid doing business with the Chinese. Or, get schooled on the truth of what I'm laying down by standing in line at a sporting event in China. (Oh wait.....lines don't exist. Lines are for stupid foreigners. Whoever can push their way to the entrance first gets in before everyone else.)
Fledderjohn is German. We're arrogant. It's a cultural thing. I own it.
So right now you're thinking, "Okay, you flaming racist asshole, how is this Chinese woman's act of treachery the restaurant's fault?" It's their fault because they seated her five minutes after us and took her order well before ours, giving her the opportunity to pull her act of supreme fuckery.
See, I don't mind that the waitress forgot my chicken-apple sausages when she served our food. Shit happens -- it's not like I'm an unreasonable crank. I'm just bent that more than 1.25 hours after first walking through the door, we finally order our food. I KNOW they knew the wait was not going to be "as much as 30 minutes." And you know the position it puts you in, right? Forty-five minutes go by, the hostess bullshits you, "maybe five more minutes," and you're saying to yourselves: "By the time we drive somewhere else, put our names in, and wait....." You're committed. You're stuck.
I'm writing this review on my iPhone from my wife's Subaru, because I'm waiting for AAA to jump the battery that went dead toward the end of the more than 1-hour wait in the car. Because of the nasty weather and resulting mayhem, the wait for AAA is going to be up to 2 hours. Yes, I realize that the weather and dead battery are not things that the restaurant caused directly, but fuck me. I'm here from out of town to visit my kids and grandson. Not to sit in this car outside of Sam's Log Cabin. And now I have to take a piss.
So while I'm sitting here, having to take a piss, I'll get a couple of other things off my chest that would have gone unmentioned if I didn't have an abundance of time to burn.
Sure, hire only hipsters if that's your Platonic ideal of a breakfast diner employee. But the big iron horseshoe through that one hash-slinger's nasal septum is goddamned disgusting. I don't want to have to see what appear to be large metallic boogers dangling from the nostrils of a waitress walking back-and-forth past my table while I'm trying to eat breakfast.
As for the plea for Kickstarter funding that came with our check: Go take a flying fuck at a rolling donut. You're not a worthy non-profit, nor are you a great idea for a start-up that has no chance of getting traditional funding. Get an SBA loan, like everyone else. I'm not gifting you money so that you can expand your business to make more money. Grow the fuck up.
Incidentally, the Vietnamese fellow sent by AAA who is just now replacing my wife's baked battery is nicer than a whole boat-load of Chinese.
Finally: The food at this place is just great. read more