I bought two bags of frozen edamame (the kind that're already peeled because fuck having to peel your own edamame like a poor), two bags of frozen asparagus, two bags of frozen green beans, two bags of frozen spinach, and two bags of frozen broccoli for like $20. Oh, there was also a bag of cut-up cabbage in there, too. Not frozen. I don't think they sell frozen cabbage. That's a lot of vegetables for $20. Did you know frozen veggies have the same nutritional value as their unfrozen counterparts? True story. Yup, Trader Joe's is a godsend for frugal people like me.
I wonder how they keep the prices down? Is it economies of scale? Or is it cheap slave labor? What if they used little alien slaves in their packaging plants? Wouldn't that be some shit? I know it would make some people stop shopping at Trader Joe's, but not me. I'd keep shopping even if there were alien slaves bagging up all the frozen vegetables because if you stop shopping there, then Mr. Joe will treat the slaves even worse. He'll take out his frustration at low profit margins on those poor slaves. So you're better off just biting the bullet and buying frozen food that's made by alien slaves.
Besides, even if you stop shopping at Trader Joe's once you find out about the alien slaves, it's not like that's going to save your life when the other aliens come to rescue their brothers and sisters from slavery. You think there's going to be human court or some shit like that? Fuck no. They're just going to assume all humans are slaving asshole and nuke us all. And even if there were trials, they'd just be show trials. The kind of shit you see on State-run media in places like Russia and China. They'll parade a few assholes like me who shopped at Trader Joe's knowing alien slaves helped keep prices low then use our guilt to deem all humans guilty.
And don't get your hopes up that it'll be some kind of grand revolution against the aliens. Everything you watched on TV about humans fighting back against aliens is wrong. Those motherfuckers flew through space while we can barely keep from burning up our own planet. You think they're not gonna have superior weapons and scanners to methodically exterminate us? Hell, it'll probably be for the best. Mother Earth might be like, "Fuck yeah! Thanks for rescuing me from the clutches of the shitty human disease that's been fucking up my skin ever since they evolved from those adorable apes. I hope you didn't annihilate the apes."
"Sorry, Mother Earth. We exterminated all primates just to make sure no humans ever evolved again."
"WHAT!!!!?!??!?!! But I loved those fucking bug-eyed marsupial things that live on Madagascar!!!" Then Mother Earth will get all fucking angry and kill all the aliens with lava or some kind of substance that's poisonous to them but otherwise harmless (like pineapple juice). It'll be too late for the humans, though, since we'll all be dead. We'll have to wait another billion or so years to evolve out of something else so we can invent civilization and grocery stores and profit margins and alien slave labor as a way to lower prices for customers.
Oh yeah, also, the parking lot here fucking blows ass. Try to park on the street if you can. I know you're a lazy fuck who doesn't want to carry bags everywhere, but trust me. You're better off doing that than getting rear ended or t-boned in this parking lot. read more