If you've ever wondered what a German restaurant run by a German (then an Austrian, and now someone who "has German in their family") might taste like after a few generations of ownership drift--Gasthaus Tirol has got you covered.
We rolled in right at 5 p.m. when the doors opened and were the only ones there for the first half hour. You'd think that meant fast service. You'd be wrong. Our server was sweet, but she'd vanish for long stretches and leave our glasses drier than a pretzel in the desert. I finally had to ask--loudly--for a refill, like I was in the back row of a school play.
I was raised by a full-blooded German dad, so I came in with high hopes. Especially because my dad has Celiac disease and this place is supposedly a haven for gluten-free German eats. Authentic, award-winning, and Celiac-friendly? We were all in. Unfortunately, we got more wannabe Wienerschnitzel than wunderbar.
Appetizer: Cheese & Sausage Plate for Two ($13)
Shockingly solid! Three mystery cheeses (I recognized pepper jack and a dill one), two sausages (Debrezina and Weisswurst), spicy mustard, and club crackers. The mustard had serious kick--it was like the mustard packets from 1980s Lunchables came back with a vengeance. Delicious, but had me questioning my tolerance for horseradish.
House Salad
This mix of greens, sweet and sour cabbage, cucumber, tomato, and carrots didn't look like much, but it worked. Tossed it with cucumber dill dressing, and boom--actually good. First salad I've ever taken home like leftovers. I don't even know who I am anymore.
Sampler Plate ($26)
Wiener Schnitzel (veal): Crispy, tender, lemony goodness. No complaints.
Knockwurst: Tasted like knockwurst. Not much else to say.
Sauerbraten: This one hurt. It was putrid. Smelled and tasted like it had been left out overnight next to a radiator. I grew up on sauerbraten and can confidently say--this wasn't it.
Sides
German Potato Salad: Bland, big awkward cubes, light on vinegar. Needed something--anything.
Potato Dumplings: Tiny, dense, and flavorless. I grew up with fluffy potato balls; these were more like potato marbles with an identity crisis.
Dessert: Crème Brûlée ($6)
Took it home. It was smooth and tasty, but the portion was about four spoonfuls. A nice treat if you just want your tongue to remember dessert existed.
Parents' Rundown
Cheese & sausage plate: They were into it.
Jägerschnitzel: Dad couldn't get past the red wine sauce.
Sauerkraut: Unnaturally sweet, like apple pie filling's sour cousin.
Butcher's Plate: Mom said it was fine (i.e. she wouldn't order it again).
Cheesecake: Dad liked the richness but it was the size of a thick wallet--about 2 inches tall, 6 inches long and wide. Blink and you'd miss it.
German Chocolate Cake: Big, moist, and mom-approved. Half went home.
Pretzel: Way too salty, way too doughy. Dad used his yearly gluten pass on it and instantly regretted it.
The Heritage
Originally opened by a real-deal German back in 1995. Then an Austrian took over, and now it's run by someone who "has German in their family." That's the culinary equivalent of saying "my cousin visited Paris once, so I opened a French bakery."
The Bill
My total should've been $46.95 with tea, but it came out over $50 before tip. My parents' meals were mysteriously overcharged too. Sure, they offer a $2 cash discount, but when you're nickel-and-diming the menu, it adds up.
Final Verdict
Would I drive an hour to eat here again? Absolutely not. I'll stick to reminiscing about real German food and 1980s Lunchables. But hey--if you're gluten-free, love mild confusion, and think German food should have a surprise twist, this place might be your thing read more