So last night a dude was tasting this PIE O MINE
And he said "ew bro, u kno u taste like OLIVE BRINE"
So I heeded his advice and set aside DOCTOR TIME
Who then sent me urgenty to my OB-GYN
I stripped down to my CALVIN KLEIN as my OB called me his VALENTINE
He was from Jerusalem and kinda looked like KEVIN KLINE
Not in Fish Called Wanda but "In & Out" (a FAVE OF MINE)
So I let him bend me over and pretended he was GERTRUDE STEIN
Yeah he was more Marvine Gaye than "I Heard It Through The GRAPEVINE"
And told me that he wanted to excavate my GOLDMINE
I felt more like a pony than motherf***ing GINUWINE
Then he Madonna'd (pushed his love over my BORDERLINE)
I felt violated so I called NBC's DATELINE
I said "my GYN's Israeli and he f***ed me like PALESTINE
And I didn't feel a thing, cause he's tinier than LIECHTENSTEIN"
They said "me too" and hung up :( so then I went to PIE O MINE
WHAT*
What to get: CYO large salad w/kale
What else: CYO pizza w/red sauce & fresh mozz
My fave healthy place in WNY. I've been hoping for a place like this for a long time. There really isn't anything like it in the region. It p**ses the f*** over most create-your-own salad places (including the one it's modeled after, NYC's Chopt) because (a) the salads are huge, actually filling, (b) unlimited toppings instead of being stingy pieces of sh**, (c) everything is almost always as fresh as Outkast in "So Fresh, So Clean", which can't be said about the greens at many places not named "Greens." And (D) because who doesn't love the (D).
Skip the bland proteins. But then if you live in E. Amherst, any hint of spice will probably be a bad mix with the 57 prescription pills you're on, I know how it is, and I'm deeply sorry that Pumpkin Spice Lattes are gone for another 9 months. Speaking of 9 months your daughter's preggo again.
And speaking of PSL, I love the service here too, great people who I get along well with, girls I have crushes on (I'll never tell which one, I mean two, I mean three) and a boy I have a crush on (he knows who he is... hi big boy).
So. Huge array of salad choices, they throw everything in a huge bowl, chop it all up, $8 or so. The more toppings, the bigger your salad. Get lots. If you have a really big salad like me, the girls (and boys) will love you. Oh wait I stopped talking about salads for a minute.
But yeah. Some employees make the salads bigger than others. If you know what I mean. I know which employees will make it really, really big. Still talking about salad. It's perfect for somebody who's trying to eat healthy, and get a lot of greens in their system. Especially if you put kale in it. Get more dressing you you're less aware that you're munching a crapload of Kale. Come on, it won't kale you. Ha. Ha. Ha.
For dressing, try Chipotle Lime (creamy but good), Vinaigrette. But I usually get the delicious Greek, even though it doesn't squirt out of the little hose the way it should because of the big feta chunks. OK yes I'm still talking about salad dressing.
And the walls are covered in Fox puns. You'd think I own the place. Except that if I owned it, I'd hire tons and tons of gorgeous people to work here. Oh wait.
Wow. My therapist told me to own that sh** and I must have f***ing listened. I knew there was a reason I spent that $220/hr plus tax. I also pwn it, but I'm still not sure what pwning is, so PM me about that. Thx.
They also make surprisingly good pizza. Not a fan of this Chipotle "cooked while you wait pizza" (yes I know Chipotle doesn't make pizza stfu thx), but it's good here. I'm not biased enough to deny when something tastes amazing. These do. They make that overrated, awful Pi Craft crap (if you like Pi Craft I don't like you so please stop reading and go to someone else's review) embarrassed to exist, because they take Pi Craft's god awful concept and actually make it good. Not that PC invented the concept. It's so Brooklyn and SF. So yeah. Let's go get a microbrew.
I think the reason this pizza is so yummerific is that they use good ingredients, as with the salad. Pizza size is very generous too. It's a million miles away from typical WNY greasy pizza but it can be a nice little addition to a delicious salad. Don't get me wrong. Real Buffalo pizza wins. But on the sliding scale from Franco's/Good Guys/Imperial/Bella at the high end, to Papa John's and licking the seat of a toilet (OK, nah, toilets aren't THAT bad), Pie O Mine is actually closer to Franco's than the Peyton Manning end. And who wants to be close to Peyton's end, anyway. Except Eli, when they were kids, and that's some sort of Josh Duggar sh** right there. Archie, take your sons to my therapist. $220/hr. It's doable for you. (That's what Peyton said to Eli.)
Now scuse me, I have to go destroy a Greens CYO Salad faster and with more reckless abandon than Biebs destroyed "Despacito."
*No Israelis or Palestinians were harmed in the making of this review, despite Trump's best efforts read more